ASTROCHRIST

About Astrochrist

On Earth there is Christianity, a faith so fervently followed that it is thought that their god not only created them and their planet, but the entire universe as well. Little do these Earth-dwellers know, the truth is quite the contrary as their god is instead man made and not a maker of man. In space we have Astrochrist, a very similar, but far more agreeable deity who actually exists and speaks to us often.

We’re not sure who’s responsible, but over time Christianity was developed by way of distortions of ancient Astrochristian texts. Sadly, this problem on Earth is not a unique one to the galaxy. That’s where we come in. We’re traveling Televangelists journeying through the universe converting the mislead masses to the ways of our celestial cosmoplast with rock ’n’ roll music similar to what people on Earth refer to as surf music. We seem to be stranded on your planet at this time as we cannot seem to find any rocket fuel in the wretchedly plastic metropolitan area called Dallas. While we’ve been here we’ve made a few attempts at converting the locals, but have had little luck as all too many humans here are not familiar with the sounds we make.

Astrochrist is currently on a hiatus from performing live as we are trying to come up with the time and resources to record a real album. It is with those recordings that the word of Astrochrist can be spread much farther and fill more ears with the gospel. Also, this will give Rev. Dangerwood more time to get this website built. Since it is in fact a work in progress, you should go to our myspace page for now to listen to some of our demos and see some pictures from past performances.

Father Edna Strange

Born with a Telecaster in one hand and a forty in the other, Father Edna Strange ripped a hole in the universe, not to mention his poor mothers love cavern. With a full on pompadour by the time he was only two and a half months old, it was clear little Eddie was marching to the beat of a different drum, a drum beat passionately by the hand of three Zulu elders light-years away. Even at a young age, Edna exhibited the skills necessary for charming woman of all ages with his hair, eyes, and most of all, his eyebrows.

For years little Eddie couldn’t actually talk. If it weren’t for his incredibly flexible face he might not have ever been able to communicate with those around him. Fortunately for him and ultimately the universe, Edna developed the capacity for speech and his first words were actually a complete recitation of “The Post Office” by Charles Bukowski after which his stepmother (a non-Astrochristian) proceeded to wash his mouth out with horse soap. This did little if anything to discourage Edna from speaking. He went on to found his very first church just at just a mere 1500 years old.

Lately, Strange has joined Dangerwood in the efforts of forming a musical praise group named after their high heavenly father, Astrochrist. Currently Father Strange is living in the land of Orlando where he is studying the ancient Hebrew-Cuban secrets for recording sound and drinking.

Brother Bob

Born to a prince and a tiger, young Bobby entered into a comfortably lavish life filled with beautiful women and peeled grapes and even those hunky shirtless guys to fan him while the women fed him grapes. All this special treatment was not merely a result of being born into royalty. Most children born into royalty on Bob’s home planet lead a life of rigorous physical training and abstinence. You see, Bobby possessed fantastic rhythmic skills that impressed the Sultan so much that he set Bobby aside and did not hold him to the same standards as his brothers.

Lucky for us this gave Bobby plenty of time to develop his percussion skills and learn how to properly and thoroughly wax asses of the female variety. Of course Bobby was an Astrochristian from birth whether he knew it or not. A short time after Strange and Dangerwood won Crimbot in a cockfight, they happened upon a young man hitchhiking to space Reno. The group struck up a conversation about music and the religious state of affairs throughout the universe and were from then on, a complete four piece band.

Reverend Dangerwood

Born Elron Hudson Dangerwood, the Reverend was son to a gypsy-like group of circus jazzmen. He was not conceived in the usual sexual manner, but rather by an extremely unlikely collision of sound waves against the eye of a space goat in a ring adjacent to the jazzmen’s. He was incredibly small in size for thousands of years and only recently has he matured to be just smaller than the size of an average human.

It wasn’t until Elron’s adolescent years that he would take interest in the electrical praise axe (more commonly known on Earth as the electric guitar) and he devoted much time to fiddling with the noisy thing making all sorts of racket and pissing off many neighboring galaxies. About 500 years ago or so the aimless Elron took a sudden and fervent interest in the word of the Astrochrist. He would study into the night until he passed out at early dawn awaking hours later completely covered in what he hoped and believed to be his own semen. Needless to say, he had found his calling.

Around the middle of Earth year 2008 Dangerwood began writing and recording surf music more intensely than ever and enlisted the help of long time friend Father Edna Strange to help him form a surf rockin’ gospel band that would set out to convert the entire universe.

Crimbot 5000

A product of CrimCorp, Crimbot 5000 was, at one time, the state of the art in war faring robotics. Of course this was hundreds of years ago. About a year back Reverend Dangerwood and Father Strange won Crimbot in a cockfight in a neighboring galaxy before crash landing on Earth. Shortly after winning him the Reverend, in a blind drunken rage, reprogrammed Crimbot and his rusty fingers from being a killing machine into playing the low frequency prayer oscillator. After a couple of months of training, Crimbot was ready to play.